Dear NC Legislators & Gov. Perdue -

Dear Elected Officials,
It has now been 3 years since I've seen an increase in my paycheck.  In that time, I've watched gas prices climb. The cost of groceries has crept up steadily. My health insurance co-pays have doubled while my coverage has decreased. I've sent one child to college and another to preschool.  And still my salary has not increased.

The number of duties I have been required to do at school has increased to pick up the slack from those who are no longer with us.  My out of pocket expenses for supplies for my students and my classroom has risen because the school budget has been slashed.  I have had to take personal leave and sick days to attend required staff development to keep my teaching license current.  And still my salary has not increased.

I have worked 9, 10, 11 and 12 hour days.  I have worked on Saturday mornings, Sunday afternoons, Thursday nights and countless evenings after school.  I have given up my personal planning time to meet with parents, attend district trainings, Professional Learning Community meetings, IEP meetings, and Team Meetings.  And still my salary has not increased.  

I have poured my heart and my soul into making meaningful and relevant lessons to my middle school students.  I have conducted research to bring in the best resources for my gifted students.  I have worked with Exceptional Children teachers to modify curriculum for my challenged learners.  I have schooled myself to meet the needs of my English Language Learners.  I have practically danced on my head to keep my children's spirits high as the number of standardized testing days climb and their morale plummets.  And still my salary has not increased.

I've heard people say that I should be lucky to have a job, and indeed, I do feel fortunate not to have to worry as much as those in the private sector.  I've been told that teachers are spoiled, and that we don't work over the summer, so we need to just hush about the disparity of pay.  I've tried to be a team player; to accept that we all have to do our part in lean times.  But today, I came to a realization.

I am not being paid what I am worth because the contribution I make is not valued by my state lawmakers.

I've heard the lip service and the posturing from both sides of the aisle.  I've heard the sound bites where our officials talk about how important public education is to the future of North Carolina.  But I don't think I believe a word of it.  Because in this world, we vote with our dollars.  We appropriate money to the issues and areas that we feel are most valuable.  And following that logic, teachers are simply not valuable to you.  If we were, you would not have adjusted the state teachers' salary schedule down for three consecutive years to effectively freeze teacher salaries.

This realization breaks my heart.  It's especially upsetting because I have seen first hand how a good teacher can turn the tide in a child's life.  I've seen my colleagues' hands gently steer a child from the path toward jail to the one that leads to college.  I've seen how our efforts have ignited the spark of hope in children that society would just as soon give up on.

I'm not ready to give up just yet.

But please know that your constituents --and your workforce -- are feeling extremely under-valued right now.  We cannot continue to "do more with less."  We are tapped out.  I implore you to show that you value the essential work that we do.  Do not let YET ANOTHER year go by without giving teachers their earned step increases.  Show that you recognize that without good teachers, the future of our state will be bleak indeed.

Thank you,
RhondaK, MAEd, NBCT
Durham, NC

Will You Be My Friend?

Remember when you were a little kid and all you had to do to make a friend was to walk up to a kid that you liked the looks of or who had a toy you liked and ask, "You wanna play?"   Done.   It was so easy then. You had built in friends in your neighborhood, your class at school, your church or temple.  It seemed that everywhere you looked there were potential pals all over the place!   Even in college, you had dorm life, clubs and classes to force you into friendships with your fellow students.

Fast forward to adulthood.  Things are much more complicated now.  First of all, most childhood friendships seems to revolve around the basic premise of Hey, I've got nothing to do, and you have nothing to do.  Why don't we do nothing together?  I honestly cannot recall the last time I had nothing to do!  Seems like I'm always rushing from work to home and back again.  And so are most of the other adults in the working world. So where does one manage to find friends?

I've been fortunate in my line of work to have stumbled across several colleagues who have become forever-friends.  I don't know if it's the stress of the job or the fact that you put so much of yourself into it, but the friendships that I have forged in this job have been deep and long lasting ones.  I've always said you have to be a little deranged to do the job that I do.  I guess the deranged nature of us all binds us together!  What ever it may be, I'm truly grateful for the friends that I have made.

The more I think about it though, the more I'm convinced that our difficulty in making connections and finding friends comes not from our lack of opportunity.  I think it's because we as adults are much more guarded that our childhood selves.  As kids, there's not a whole lot to hold back.  As adults, we have years of living that insulate us from those around us.  It's not easy to open up and bare all those scars.  Plus, we've been around long enough to have felt the sting of rejection and disappointment.  No one wants to open themselves up to that, so we don't.

I'm of the mindset that one can never have too many friends.  It's nice to have a wide variety of opinions and points of view.  Plus, with a large number of friends, you get to spread your crazy around, so it doesn't get too concentrated in any one place.  I think we should all pledge to make the time to make a new connection.  Put yourself out there; and who knows?  The person you connect with may become your new best buddy!

The Limit Does Not Exist

I've been thinking a lot this week about parenting.  It's probably the toughest job there is, and there are so many varied ways to mess it up! With my kids, I find I'm always asking myself: Am I being too harsh?  Do I expect too much?  Working with middle school kids has skewed my perception of "normal behavior."  (For the record, the most "normal" behavior for an adolescent is completely abnormal to the rest of humanity...)  How much of the bad behavior I see in my children can be chalked up to "kids will be kids" and how much of it is just plain brattiness?  I want my kids to be good people, you see.  To realize they are not the center of the universe, and to consider the needs of others as well as themselves.  But what happens when you go the other way?  When you have a child who you are convinced can do no wrong?  Isn't that just as bad as being too strict?

 In my line of work, I meet many, many different kinds of parents.  The most perplexing breed of parent for me is the enabler.  Those are the parents who will defend their child's every action, explain away every incident as the fault of someone else.  And I can't help but wonder about the motivation of these parents.  Do they really, honestly think that people are coming together to conspire against their precious little one?  Do they not see trends and patterns and stop to ask themselves What is the common denominator in all of this?  


As I struggle to understand where these parents are coming from, I take a long hard look at my own parenting style.  When someone (usually in a school setting) informs me of my child's inappropriate behavior, I'm inclined to believe it because I have met my child!  I know he (and she) are capable of some pretty mischievous behavior.  And I seriously doubt any of the people in my children's lives have the extra time to spend concocting schemes to get my children in trouble.  However, I wonder if I don't scold too quickly, and don't take the time to hear my child's side of the story.  I guess that's because having known my fair share of kids, I know that they tend to enhance and edit the truth.  I usually assume that the adults are going to be honest about events.

But what about the kids who grow up with parents like this?  What kinds of lessons are they learning?  I can't imagine they are good ones about taking responsibility for one's actions or treating others the way you want to be treated.  And what happens when little Johnny gets himself into a situation that Mama and Daddy can't talk him out of?  What happens then?  I worry for those kids.  Won't growing up without limits give the wrong impression about the world?  Can't getting away with murder as a kid can lead one to believe that one is above the law as an adult?  It seems to me that when a kid pushes and test, he needs to find boundaries.  I think those things make a child feel safe and secure, and help him know what is expected of him.  So when the limit does not exist, isn't it the child who suffers?

I want to understand the motivation here.  Anyone out there have any words of wisdom?

No Day But Today?

The husband and I were watching RENT last night for the 15th time, and as I was watching, I found myself having a new reaction to the characters. For those of you unfamiliar with RENT, it's a great Rock Musical written by Jonathan Larson and loosely based on Puccini's opera La Boheme. The characters are a group of 20-somethings living the lives of starving artists in New York's Alphabet City in the '90s. They struggle with HIV, drug addiction, homophobia and questions about the importance of art.

Now I admit that for several years now, I have sung along at the top of my lungs the lyrics to the Act 1 song Another Day:

There's only us,

There's only this.
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss.
No other road,
No other way.
No day but today.

But as I was watching last night, I started to really think about that notion. Live for the moment at the expense of tomorrow. Don't think about the ramifications or the consequences. There's only one path, and one way. And maybe it's just me getting stodgy in my old age, but it seems that that attitude: No day but today can cause one to - oh, I don't know - end up with HIV or as a heroin addict!

Now don't get me wrong. I'm all for making the most of the time you are given, seizing opportunity and making every day count. But if you are living each day as if it were your last, that opens the door for a ton of irresponsible and self-centered behavior.

I guess this brings me to my biggest gripe about my generation: we are so wrapped up in ourselves - our misery, our identity crises, our angst about life - that we neglect to look at the bigger picture. Where is the focus on service to society at large? Where is the drive to make a contribution to the world, or someone other than ourselves? It seems to me that if we focused less on our own misery, and more on the world outside our doors, then might realize that - hey! My life is not nearly as bad as that kid's. A broader view can help us focus less on the minor imperfections of our lives and more on fixing the major ones outside ourselves. We are small pieces to a much larger puzzle, and finding a place in the world at large can help us to define ourselves.

What does that look like? How the heck should I know?! I do it through my work - teaching (an often thankless, exhausting and never-ending job) and through my family. I figure by trying to raise (and shape) kids as service minded, independent, polite children, I can add more soldiers in that battle to heal the world.

So the next time Another Day comes on, you better believe I will be belting it out. But it will be tempered with the understanding that there is a day besides today. And though it's not guaranteed, that's no excuse not to plan for it.

It's All Good

So 8 months ago, I wrote a post that said I was closing the book on the strange chapter of my life. I actually just turned the page. The chapter is still going on, though I'm just working on the footnotes now. I'm wrestling with the knowledge that I'm not the person I thought I was. I'm much more complicated, more high maintenance and more capable. And that's ok.

I'm a girl who has struggled with my weight and my emotional connection to food since I was 4 years old. And that is ok.

I have gained and lost pound after pound. Started exercising and stopped. Joined Weight Watchers and quit several times. And that is ok.

I am a woman who wants to be liked by everyone, and who is really detested by a few. And that's ok.

I'm a person who takes on too many projects because I like to be busy; I like to be involved. And down deep I think I like to feel important.

I'm overly critical of myself and most of the people around me. I struggle to feel compassionate toward myself, and I really seldom cut the people around me slack. And that's NOT ok.

This journey I am taking is hopefully going to teach me to patient, compassionate, and understanding toward myself and the people in my life. Whether it's health, weight, habits, deeds or disposition, I will strive to look beyond what's obvious, and dig deep to find the real motivation of actions. I will try to understand the whys of the action and not focus on what I expect to be.

And by doing that, it will be ok.