Rhonda Needs a Hobby

Since my major life change, my life has (duh!) changed quite a bit.  There are the obvious changes: I'm not eating much, and I've lost almost 50 pounds; my clothes are getting much looser, and I'm looking much healthier; my stats are really good: blood pressure has normalized, sleep apnea is pretty much gone...  All good things.

Then there are the less obvious, but still radical changes.  First of all, I've lost a major hobby.  I wasn't aware of it, but I apparently spent a TREMENDOUS amount of time thinking about food: what I was going to eat, where I was going to eat, how much I was going to eat, etc. etc. etc.  Shopping, planning, cooking, eating, snacking... All those things took up a lot of time.  Now my food needs are small, and Pouchie doesn't like many things.  My palate is pretty limited these days, which means I don't have to spend time on that.

But the worst part about not having my food friend is that eating (and food) was a MAJOR outlet for me.  I was (am?) an emotional eater.  When I felt frustrated, lonely, bored, elated, angry, sad, neglected... you name it, eating would make me feel better.  (At least temporarily... But that's another blog post altogether.)  Simply put, food was comfort.  And now, that source of comfort is unavailable.  The problem is that my life is still just as complicated!  I still feel frustrated, lonely, bored, elated, angry, sad and neglected, but my outlet - my source of comfort is no longer available.  To say I'm at a loss is a serious understatement.

So what's a girl to do?  I'm working on the healthy option - feel my feelings, let them run their course, and move on.  However, that's flipping hard!  I want to be numbed!  Most days, I feel like a raging lunatic - fluctuating from searing anger to deep despair to crushing apathy.  I've always been a basically happy person, but now, it's hard work to put on a happy face.

And so I am in search of an outlet.  Here's one of them - writing about what's bouncing around in my head is therapeutic.  It makes me feel a little less like a lunatic.  I wonder if it's not egotistical to think that anyone cares about my random ramblings.  But I guess that's kind of the point of the outlet.  I'm not writing for you (though, I appreciate that you care enough to read :-); I'm writing for me.

Still, I need a hobby.  Any suggestions?  It needs to be something that is relatively cheap, can be done mostly at home because I don't want to leave my babies home alone with their dad, and mentally stimulating because I get bored easily. (Case in point: I tried coloring Mandalas, but seriously, it just made me want to stab myself in the eye.)  Beyond that, I'm open to suggestions!