The Big Day! Ramblin' Rose Half Marathon - October 21, 2013

On Sunday, I competed my first half marathon!  It was quite an experience - with a ridiculously hilly course.  http://www.mapmyrun.com/routes/fullscreen/107243007/

 There were about 1500 participants, so of course the line for the port-a-potties was super long.  It was a nice chance for a photo op, though!  Note my pink sparkle skirt.  That was a special purchase for this race, though I'm thinking it's going to make many more appearances!  

We were one of the last folks to get started, but that was ok with us.  The weather was perfect; a crisp fall morning. warming up to a pleasant 70 degrees.  The sun had that golden glow that only seems to happen on October mornings.   Here's one of those ridiculous hills.  

I wish I could say this was the worst of them.  Unfortunately, that would not be accurate.  I also wish I could say that once we got past the halfway mark it got easier, but these hills came in miles 8-13.  I really think someone was trying to kill us!

Coming into the home stretch, I felt so happy and relieved.  I thought that I'd experienced all the surprises this race had to offer.  But as I approached the finish, I heard a pair of little voices yell, "Go Mommy!  Go!"  The Boy and The Girl came running out to cross the finish line with me.  Considering that I didn't think they would be there, that was THE highlight of the race.  (I take back all the junk I was talking about the Husband in the last few weeks.)  Final race time was 2:51:42.  

The end of the race was a blur.  My dear friend Karen was there cheering me on, and there were many photos. 

 On the whole this was an amazing experience.  I never dreamed I would be posting about finishing a

half marathon.  It has been such an incredible journey, and the best part about it is all the support I've gotten from my Facebook folks.  So many people have mentioned following my progress and offered encouragement.  It really kept me going, and I'm sincerely grateful for all the love you've shown.

And the journey's not over...  I just signed up for RunRaleigh on April 14, 2013.  I'm going to work on picking up speed, and finally making it to my goal weight.  Stay tuned!  There are more adventures to come.

A Certain Kind of Sadness

By nature, I am an optimist.  I tend to be able to smile through most trouble, see the best in a situation, expect things to work out ok in the end.  Most people who know me would describe me as cheerful too.  It's just the way I'm wired.  It takes way more energy for me to be sullen than it does to smile and be happy.

It's this innate cheeriness that causes a lot of trouble for me.  Unlike many of my friends, I am genuinely surprised when someone screws me over or does something really despicable.  I never see it coming!  Now, I admit that as I've gotten older and more experienced, I have started to catch on a little sooner, but I'm still really flummoxed when it happens.

Despite my cheerfulness and naivete, I am a bit prone to melancholy.  Not the deep dark pits of despair brought on by an actual depression; it's what people used to describe as "the blues."  Just a tendency to think a little bit too much about the stuff that we can't control or the inclination to poke at that sore spot - just to see if it still hurts.

When I get myself settled into a good mope, it can go on for days until I launch my "get over yourself" sequence.  Usually that involves some peppy upbeat music, a large amount of physical activity, usually a cleaning out or rearranging of my working or living space, and a ferocious bout of cooking or baking.  Usually after that, it's all good.

Except lately.

I seem to have gotten myself tangled in a loop of melancholy.  Like a CD with a skip in it, I play thorough just fine until I hit a spot and don't go any further.  Stuck.  That's a really bad feeling, because I know what's on the other side.  I know how much better I feel once all this has been process, put in it's place and worked through.  And I just can't seem to get there.

I've been on a quest to put my finger on the cause, and on this morning's run, I think I may have found it.


I have a friend who once told me if you talk about something and you feel the sting of tears, you need to pay attention to it.  Well, I can't listen to this song without sobbing.

My grandmother is currently suffering from Alzheimer's disease.  She's been lost to me for about 5 years and some change, as the song says.  And while I don't consciously think about it every day - the rawness of missing her coupled with the confusion of the fact that she is still physically here is just overwhelming.

And that's the kind of sadness that a happy playlist can't seem to overcome.