A Good Wallow

Today was an improvement at 44 degrees when I headed out.  I'd been feeling mellow all day, and then in the early afternoon, a big heavy fog settled on my mood.  The waterworks started, and I knew it was time for a good wallow.  In the past, this would have equated me crawling into my bed with something chocolately.  But, not today!  Today, I wallowed with a run.  A short one, because I had places to go tonight, but I got out there.

On Today's Playlist
Today's was a shuffle selection from my "A Good Wallow" playlist:
1, Shake it Out by Florence + the Machine
2. Samson by Regina Spektor
3. The Only Exception by Paramore
4. The Scientist by Coldplay
5. Strong Enough by Sheryl Crow (more on this later)
6. I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz

Featured Lyrics from Today's Playlist
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
And given half the chance would I take any of it back?
It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone.
It's always darkest before the dawn-from Shake It Out

On My Mind Today
I usually think of Sheryl Crow as my spirit guide, but today, I found myself arguing with her.  At issue were these lines from Strong Enough:
Lie to me.  I promise, I'll believe
Lie to me, but please don't leave.

Wait. WHAT?!

Sheryl, my goddess of badassery.  My muse of butt kicking.  What the hell is this?
I started to get a little pissed.  I had been quoting this song for years - and pretty heavily recently. Could it be that this was not what I had imagined it to be?  I started to get a little huffy at ol' Sheryl.  When I think of self-aware and with-it females, her name comes high up on the list.  How could this come from her?  But really, what person hasn't been there?  How can I blamree Sheryl for capturing what it feels like to try to hold on to something that just isn't right?  Hell, I've been doing that for months.  So I can't get too mad at her.  And at least she was honest with herself - even if she was willing to just accept what she wanted to hear from her man.  So kudos to her for telling it like it sometimes is.

Not that I agree that that's the best way to live, but at least it's real.

I rewrote the lyrics in my head:
Tell me the truth.  That's all I want from you.
Tell me the truth, and go if you have to.

And then I knew.

I am sad, and I feel the loss of something important.  But I'm not broken.  I'm not believing what I want to believe.  I'm not lying to myself.  Not anymore.

This is excellent news.

This Girl Is On Fire

It's a lovely 34 degrees here in beautiful Durham, NC.  In my defense, I didn't realize the temperature had dropped so much when I decided to go for a run.  And by the time I figured it out, I was all dressed.  And you KNOW, once you're dressed... you have to go.

Tonight's run was a short one - just 2.1 miles around the neighborhood.  That's fine by me, because it was [insert your favorite cliche about cold weather] here.  

On Today's Playlist:
Today was a shuffle play selection from my "Over It" playlist.
1. Good by Better than Ezra
2. It Ain't That Bad by Melissa Etheridge
3. Girl on Fire by Alicia Keyes
4. Dogs Days are Over by Florence + the Machine
5. Lose Yourself by Eminem
6. Take My Number by Melissa Etheridge



Featured Lyrics from Today's Playlist:

Looks like a girl, but she's aflame.

So bright, she can burn your eyes, better look the other way.

You can try, but you'll never forget her name

She on top of the world

Hottest of the hottest girls say...

-from Girl on Fire

On My Mind Today:
It's been a rough few weeks here, and I've definitely been struggling.  Like many people, when up against resistance and struggle, I often doubt myself.  I start to wonder Am I making the right decision?  Do I have the strength and wisdom to handle this?  And many times, I will hedge - try to play it safe and minimize my risks.

By now, I should know that never works.

So today, I took a big risk, put all my cards on the table, and laid it all on  the line.  I have know idea if the risk will pay off - and actually, whether it does or not kind of doesn't matter.  That's not the point at all.

By taking that risk, I placed a bet on me.  And THAT always pays out - big time.

A New Season Begins!

It's Spring!  The days are getting longer, if not much warmer.  The flowers are blooming, the birds are singing... And it's time for me to get my ass moving again.  

In fairness, I did do a bit of running during the Winter.  There were a smattering of early morning or weekend runs here and there.  I did manage to complete the Tar Heel 10 Miler in April. But I mostly took the time off.  

I realized belatedly that in my post Ramblin' Rose euphoria  I had signed up to do an early April half.  That did not happen.  Luckily, I was able to defer that registration to the Fall race.  October 6, I will be doing my second half marathon - the Run Raleigh Half.  

So now I have a target and a deadline.  Time to get cracking.

This year I officially joined the Raleigh Galloway Running club.  I really like the approach of this group - it's very chill, and the run-walk-run interval training works really well for my novice runner body and my achy creaky hips, ankles and feet.  For more information about the Galloway run-walk-run method, check this out.

For the kickoff event this past weekend, Mr. Jeff Galloway himself made an appearance.  This is a guy who has been running for years and years - runs more marathons that I go to religious services, and has coached nearly a million runners (directly and indirectly).  And yet, the way he spoke about running made it feel like anyone could do the things he has.  I found that to be quite inspiring.  

As I embark on the new season, I have experience behind me that says I can do it.  Now I'm ready to see that I can do it - even better, faster, more efficiently and without lapsing.  Let's get to it!


-rfk

The Big Day! Ramblin' Rose Half Marathon - October 21, 2013

On Sunday, I competed my first half marathon!  It was quite an experience - with a ridiculously hilly course.  http://www.mapmyrun.com/routes/fullscreen/107243007/

 There were about 1500 participants, so of course the line for the port-a-potties was super long.  It was a nice chance for a photo op, though!  Note my pink sparkle skirt.  That was a special purchase for this race, though I'm thinking it's going to make many more appearances!  

We were one of the last folks to get started, but that was ok with us.  The weather was perfect; a crisp fall morning. warming up to a pleasant 70 degrees.  The sun had that golden glow that only seems to happen on October mornings.   Here's one of those ridiculous hills.  

I wish I could say this was the worst of them.  Unfortunately, that would not be accurate.  I also wish I could say that once we got past the halfway mark it got easier, but these hills came in miles 8-13.  I really think someone was trying to kill us!

Coming into the home stretch, I felt so happy and relieved.  I thought that I'd experienced all the surprises this race had to offer.  But as I approached the finish, I heard a pair of little voices yell, "Go Mommy!  Go!"  The Boy and The Girl came running out to cross the finish line with me.  Considering that I didn't think they would be there, that was THE highlight of the race.  (I take back all the junk I was talking about the Husband in the last few weeks.)  Final race time was 2:51:42.  

The end of the race was a blur.  My dear friend Karen was there cheering me on, and there were many photos. 

 On the whole this was an amazing experience.  I never dreamed I would be posting about finishing a

half marathon.  It has been such an incredible journey, and the best part about it is all the support I've gotten from my Facebook folks.  So many people have mentioned following my progress and offered encouragement.  It really kept me going, and I'm sincerely grateful for all the love you've shown.

And the journey's not over...  I just signed up for RunRaleigh on April 14, 2013.  I'm going to work on picking up speed, and finally making it to my goal weight.  Stay tuned!  There are more adventures to come.

A Certain Kind of Sadness

By nature, I am an optimist.  I tend to be able to smile through most trouble, see the best in a situation, expect things to work out ok in the end.  Most people who know me would describe me as cheerful too.  It's just the way I'm wired.  It takes way more energy for me to be sullen than it does to smile and be happy.

It's this innate cheeriness that causes a lot of trouble for me.  Unlike many of my friends, I am genuinely surprised when someone screws me over or does something really despicable.  I never see it coming!  Now, I admit that as I've gotten older and more experienced, I have started to catch on a little sooner, but I'm still really flummoxed when it happens.

Despite my cheerfulness and naivete, I am a bit prone to melancholy.  Not the deep dark pits of despair brought on by an actual depression; it's what people used to describe as "the blues."  Just a tendency to think a little bit too much about the stuff that we can't control or the inclination to poke at that sore spot - just to see if it still hurts.

When I get myself settled into a good mope, it can go on for days until I launch my "get over yourself" sequence.  Usually that involves some peppy upbeat music, a large amount of physical activity, usually a cleaning out or rearranging of my working or living space, and a ferocious bout of cooking or baking.  Usually after that, it's all good.

Except lately.

I seem to have gotten myself tangled in a loop of melancholy.  Like a CD with a skip in it, I play thorough just fine until I hit a spot and don't go any further.  Stuck.  That's a really bad feeling, because I know what's on the other side.  I know how much better I feel once all this has been process, put in it's place and worked through.  And I just can't seem to get there.

I've been on a quest to put my finger on the cause, and on this morning's run, I think I may have found it.


I have a friend who once told me if you talk about something and you feel the sting of tears, you need to pay attention to it.  Well, I can't listen to this song without sobbing.

My grandmother is currently suffering from Alzheimer's disease.  She's been lost to me for about 5 years and some change, as the song says.  And while I don't consciously think about it every day - the rawness of missing her coupled with the confusion of the fact that she is still physically here is just overwhelming.

And that's the kind of sadness that a happy playlist can't seem to overcome.

My War Against Comic Sans

At the risk of sounding like a curmudgeon, I have to say that there are a few things that I think define the dumbing down of America.  First was the rise of reality TV.  Seriously?  Do we really need to see people conniving, mating and singing badly for entertainment?  Really?  But my hatred of that particular genre will have to be the subject of another post.

Today, I'm talking about a more insidious force - one that threatens our daily lives: the super casual Comic Sans font.  You may be tempted to dismiss my concern as simple overreaction, but read on, my friend.  This threat is real!  So how did this happen?  How did we get to the point where something originally playful has turned so ominous?  What is it about this seemingly benign typeface that inspires such hatred?

When it first showed up, I was completely enamored with it.  It's a FONT on the computer and when you use it, everything looks like a Charlie Brown cartoon!  How cool is that?!  Of course, I was a teenager then - not a moody, dark, sarcastic one.  I was more of a let-me-carry-a-Beauty-and-the-Beast-lunchbox-ironically kind of teenager.  I will admit to overuse in my younger years, but it was done ironically.  Really.  And anyway, I grew up.  But the evil Comic Sans did not.  Meanwhile its popularity remained, and its power grew.

As a result, this causal font has popped up in completely inappropriate places.  Over on Six Revisions - Useful Information for Web Developers & Designers, Cameron Chapman shared several examples in his post entitled Comic Sans: The Font Everyone Loves to Hate.  Here's my favorite:





Author David Kadavy probes deeper in his post Why You Hate Comic Sans,  He actually goes into an analysis of what makes this a bad font.  I found it quite interesting, because I had never probed too deeply into the design reasons why I hated the poor font.  His analysis of stroke, weight management and letterfit was very enlightening.  But it was his conclusion that resonated with me.  The overuse of Comic Sans was a result of the democratization of desktop publishing - a good thing for the masses, not so good for graphic designers - and its use is a sign of an amateur.


Why?  Why?  Why?????  It's because we are mostly lazy!  We go for the easy win.  Depending on your machine, you could have hundreds of fonts from which to choose.  It's too hard to sit and thoroughly consider the implications of each one.  (Which, by the way, if that particular task was an Olympic sport, I'm pretty sure I would qualify for the team.  Just sayin'.)  Why would Ms. Average American waste time considering font choices when she could be watching a show where a mean man makes people cry for our entertainment?

 Graphic designers get that each typeface connotes a world of meaning.  Using Comic Sans is a way for a person to declare his or her illiteracy of that concept.   It conveys to the world that while you are able to operate a computer, you don't get that there is a deeper layer of meaning to choosing type.  So c'mon! You're no dummy!  Put away that Comic Sans and spend a bit more time considering your font choices.

You can always set the DVR.

Sweat Therapy

This week sucked.  There are no two ways about it.  It was crazy busy and stressful.  There were a few bright spots - I got to reconnect with friends I hadn't seen in a while for one - but on the whole it was a terrible week.

Usually stressful stuff like this doesn't get me down, but as you may know, I was on a running hiatus this week.  While nursing my irritated IT band, I didn't get my normal morning runs in.  It had been 6 days since I'd worked up a proper sweat, and boy, that really took its toll.

I spent practically the entire week wallowing and so tonight, I decided it was time to get over myself.  I planned a pretty slow and easy run around the neighborhood, just in case I ran into trouble.  I laced up my brand new running shoes and off I went.

Now normally, I have a "Move Your Ass" playlist that I listen to on my runs, but tonight I just let my iPhone give me what it would.  Incidentally, my iPhone's name is Hermione - because she always has the answer.  Well, tonight Hermione was reading my mind.  Every song that came up seemed to be a message to my troubled mind.  Here's the playlist:

1. Urgent - Foreigner
2. Vertigo - U2
3. I'm the Only One - Melissa Etheridge
4. The First Cut Is the Deepest - Sheryl Crow
5. Pictures of You - The Cure
6. One Less Bell to Answer/A House is Not  a Home - Kristen Chenoweth and Matthew Morrison
7. Julia - Chocolate Genius
8. Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond
9. Heartache for Everyone - Indigo Girls

After that does of sweat therapy, I feel like I can tackle those things that have been plaguing my mind.  It feels so good to be back!  Now, if you'll excuse me - I need to go work my plan.