A Good Wallow

Today was an improvement at 44 degrees when I headed out.  I'd been feeling mellow all day, and then in the early afternoon, a big heavy fog settled on my mood.  The waterworks started, and I knew it was time for a good wallow.  In the past, this would have equated me crawling into my bed with something chocolately.  But, not today!  Today, I wallowed with a run.  A short one, because I had places to go tonight, but I got out there.

On Today's Playlist
Today's was a shuffle selection from my "A Good Wallow" playlist:
1, Shake it Out by Florence + the Machine
2. Samson by Regina Spektor
3. The Only Exception by Paramore
4. The Scientist by Coldplay
5. Strong Enough by Sheryl Crow (more on this later)
6. I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz

Featured Lyrics from Today's Playlist
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
And given half the chance would I take any of it back?
It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone.
It's always darkest before the dawn-from Shake It Out

On My Mind Today
I usually think of Sheryl Crow as my spirit guide, but today, I found myself arguing with her.  At issue were these lines from Strong Enough:
Lie to me.  I promise, I'll believe
Lie to me, but please don't leave.

Wait. WHAT?!

Sheryl, my goddess of badassery.  My muse of butt kicking.  What the hell is this?
I started to get a little pissed.  I had been quoting this song for years - and pretty heavily recently. Could it be that this was not what I had imagined it to be?  I started to get a little huffy at ol' Sheryl.  When I think of self-aware and with-it females, her name comes high up on the list.  How could this come from her?  But really, what person hasn't been there?  How can I blamree Sheryl for capturing what it feels like to try to hold on to something that just isn't right?  Hell, I've been doing that for months.  So I can't get too mad at her.  And at least she was honest with herself - even if she was willing to just accept what she wanted to hear from her man.  So kudos to her for telling it like it sometimes is.

Not that I agree that that's the best way to live, but at least it's real.

I rewrote the lyrics in my head:
Tell me the truth.  That's all I want from you.
Tell me the truth, and go if you have to.

And then I knew.

I am sad, and I feel the loss of something important.  But I'm not broken.  I'm not believing what I want to believe.  I'm not lying to myself.  Not anymore.

This is excellent news.