Progress

January 22, 2015

I dreamed you contacted me. Your name popped on my phone as the text alert pinged. My heart leapt, upon seeing your name. Sad to admit, but even now, I still half expect to see it every time my phone squawks, but this time it really was there!

As I began to collect my thoughts to reply, you called. As the phone rang in my hand, all I could think was "Not yet! I'm not ready yet!"

I took it as a good sign.

I have moved past the "anything to have you back" phase. I even think I've passed through the "make the best of a bad situation" period. I'm not "just biding my time" or "in a holding pattern" anymore. I'm living my life. Making new friends. Trying new things.

I'm optimistic.

Any day now, I expect I will be able to shop at Target without wanting to cry. Maybe soon, I will be able to buy contact lens solution at Harris Teeter without thinking of the giddiness that first night night together. And maybe, just maybe, one day I will be able to enter Wake County without the dull aching pain of your absence.

Someday.

But not yet.

I'm not ready yet.