Another Bee in My Bonnet

Congressman Price,
I highly encourage you and your colleagues to find a COMPROMISE on the issue of the Debt ceiling.  I am an employee of the State of North Carolina.  I have not had a salary increase in 4 years.  It makes me sick to my stomach to hear that the wealthiest Americans are untouched by the weakened economy because of outdated tax breaks and policies that favor large corporations.  I do not have the means to influence members of Congress the way these Americans do, but my voice deserves to be heard.  We are struggling.  It is time for Congress to make some unpopular decisions.  It's hard to stand up to someone who fattens your coffers, but it has to be done for the good of our country.  We need more representatives who value responsible legislation above getting themselves re-elected.

Please use your influence in Congress to reach a compromise.  The American economy needs it, and the American people deserve it.

Thank you for your time.
Best,
RhondaK
Durham, NC

Rhonda Needs a Hobby

Since my major life change, my life has (duh!) changed quite a bit.  There are the obvious changes: I'm not eating much, and I've lost almost 50 pounds; my clothes are getting much looser, and I'm looking much healthier; my stats are really good: blood pressure has normalized, sleep apnea is pretty much gone...  All good things.

Then there are the less obvious, but still radical changes.  First of all, I've lost a major hobby.  I wasn't aware of it, but I apparently spent a TREMENDOUS amount of time thinking about food: what I was going to eat, where I was going to eat, how much I was going to eat, etc. etc. etc.  Shopping, planning, cooking, eating, snacking... All those things took up a lot of time.  Now my food needs are small, and Pouchie doesn't like many things.  My palate is pretty limited these days, which means I don't have to spend time on that.

But the worst part about not having my food friend is that eating (and food) was a MAJOR outlet for me.  I was (am?) an emotional eater.  When I felt frustrated, lonely, bored, elated, angry, sad, neglected... you name it, eating would make me feel better.  (At least temporarily... But that's another blog post altogether.)  Simply put, food was comfort.  And now, that source of comfort is unavailable.  The problem is that my life is still just as complicated!  I still feel frustrated, lonely, bored, elated, angry, sad and neglected, but my outlet - my source of comfort is no longer available.  To say I'm at a loss is a serious understatement.

So what's a girl to do?  I'm working on the healthy option - feel my feelings, let them run their course, and move on.  However, that's flipping hard!  I want to be numbed!  Most days, I feel like a raging lunatic - fluctuating from searing anger to deep despair to crushing apathy.  I've always been a basically happy person, but now, it's hard work to put on a happy face.

And so I am in search of an outlet.  Here's one of them - writing about what's bouncing around in my head is therapeutic.  It makes me feel a little less like a lunatic.  I wonder if it's not egotistical to think that anyone cares about my random ramblings.  But I guess that's kind of the point of the outlet.  I'm not writing for you (though, I appreciate that you care enough to read :-); I'm writing for me.

Still, I need a hobby.  Any suggestions?  It needs to be something that is relatively cheap, can be done mostly at home because I don't want to leave my babies home alone with their dad, and mentally stimulating because I get bored easily. (Case in point: I tried coloring Mandalas, but seriously, it just made me want to stab myself in the eye.)  Beyond that, I'm open to suggestions!

Last Day of Freedom...

I meant to get up at 5AM and do a trial run for walking before work tomorrow.  That didn't happen...  But still a nice walk!

Playlist:
1. Blackbird (Live) - Paul McCartney
2. One - U2
3. My Sweet Lord - George Harrison
4. Walkin' After Midnight - Patsy Cline
5. Moment of Forgiveness - Indigo Girls
6. Fortress Around Your Heart - Sting

Heaven on a Sunday

Today's walk playlist was super-mellow...  Fit my mood perfectly.  It was a very quiet morning, and I'm glad I was out.  Today I wasn't walking for exercise.  I was walking for mental health.  Feeling melancholy (if that's possible at 6:30AM), and the walk was very therapeutic.

So, today's playlist:
1. Take a Bow - Madonna
2. Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard (from Once)
3. Anyone Else But You - Michael Cera and Ellen Page (from Juno)
4. Moondance - Van Morrison
5. Woman - John Lennon
6. Heaven on a Sunday - Paul McCartney

I may have been slow and easy, but at least I was out there!

Calm Before the Storm

I go back to work on Tuesday.  I won't lie.  I'm dreading it.  Not in the sense that I usually dread going back to work after intersession.  I'm really afraid of what my body is going to do when I'm back on a schedule.  So far it's been a relatively smooth transition, but that's because I've been able to listen to my body.  When I'm tired, I rest.  When I have to go, I go.  I'm worried about trying to get my body to follow someone else's schedule.  But, it's going to happen one way or another...  I guess I should just get over myself and figure out what in the heck I'm going to teach on Tuesday!!

Today's Walk was cold and wet again.  Where are the warm temperatures I was promised????

Today's Playlist was an 80's Blast from the Past!  I love how the shuffle on my iPod just seems to know what I need.  (Could be my liberal use of the "skip" button, but who's keeping track?)

1. I Want You to Want Me (Live at Budokan) - Cheap Trick.
2. Only In My Dreams - Debbie Gibson
3. Sara - Jefferson Starship
4. Shoop (Live) - Salt -n- Pepa
5. Fool In the Rain - Led Zepplin

Food! Glorious Food?

Not so much.  I got the go-ahead yesterday to start experimenting with "fork-tender" foods.  That is - foods that are soft enough to be mashed with a fork.  I was so excited!  I came right home and made an egg for myself.  I ate maybe - maybe - half of it before I lost interest.  This morning I tried again with a hard boiled egg white.  Blech.  I got about half of one side down, but couldn't make myself eat the rest.

Now, this is both exciting and distressing. It's distressing because I've always been a foodie.  I love good food - love cooking it, love trying new things, love reading about it, love the whole process!  Now, planning meals and eating them seems like a huge chore.  The exciting part is that I can't be a slave to something I don't desire.  And right now, there is not much about food that I desire.

In other news, I went to my first group session yesterday.  It was very exciting for me to compare notes with the other folks in my "cohort."  Some of us are going strong - exercising, following the plan and feeling great!  A few folks were struggling with low energy; I really felt for them, but couldn't relate.  I intend to ride this pony as far as it will take me.  The psychologist yesterday said that if you are ever going to "go for it," this first 12-18 months is the time to do it.  So I am going for it!

Today walk: cold and wet.
Perfect playlist though:
1. Become You - Indigo Girls
2. If It Makes You Happy - Sheryl Crow
3. Rent - Cast of Rent
4. Love is Free - Sheryl Crow
5. Drunk with the Thought of You - Sheryl Crow

Loving the Walk

Perfect walk today.  It was about 70 degrees, sunny with a nice breeze.  I got a new hat yesterday, so the sun was off my face, and I just cruised.  The playlist for today was also just perfect, and eclectic; just the way I like it.

1. Lose Yourself - Eminem
2. Teardrops on My Guitar - Taylor Swift (Before you judge, remember, I teach 8th graders.  Sometimes they bring in stuff that I like.  And I'm not ashamed to say I love this song.  I totally could have written it when I was an 8th grader, so put that in your pipe and smoke it. :-p)
3. You're My Best Friend - Queen
4. Tangled Up In Blue (Live) - Indigo Girls
5. Safe and Sound - Sheryl Crow

Got on the scale this morning and - wonder of wonders - I'm down 35 pounds!  In a little less than a month.  Unbelievable.  The best part is I'm not hungry all the time.  I can drive through town and not feel compelled at every fast food joint and restaurant I pass.  I feel like I'm finally breaking free from hold that food held over me.  And that, my friends, is worth every ounce of that horrible protein stuff I've had to drink over the last 3 weeks.