Landmines

February 6, 2015

At the beginning of this conflict, I was careful to tiptoe through the minefields, aware that any step could trigger an unexpected explosion of emotion.  I moved slowly and gingerly each step mindful. I carefully archived the emails, deleted the playlists, packed away the mementos, hid the photos. All actions done deliberately to avoid detonation.

As time passed, I became more comfortable and would pass through the field a bit more quickly- after all, I knew where the trouble spots were, so I could easily avoid them. I knew which places were out of bounds. Which routes would trigger a reaction. And as I became more removed, I grew more confident. My steps became less ginger, more purposeful, more brisk.

How arrogant of me to think that it was safe to skip through that field.

Today, as I strode through, I happened upon a folder labeled VIP in my inbox. I didn't recall creating it, so I opened it. And... ka-blam! There were your early words to me - so earnest, so heartfelt:

"I have looked into your eyes and I see the rest of my life in them."
"I want to share the rest of my life with you, and I will do whatever it takes to get there."
"It is really worth fighting for."

And I come undone. Pieces of me scatter, my legs completely blown out from under me. The landmines haven't been defused. I had just gotten skilled at avoiding them.

Until I wasn't.

And here I am, in pieces yet again.