Strong(er) Swimmer

January 25, 2015

There is a reason why I don't send these thoughts directly to you. It's not out of prudence or propriety or even fear.  It's because these ramblings only tell one side of the story. To read just these, one might think I'm sad, lonely, pining away in my little corner of the world. Waiting for the day when the winds will shift and the world will be made right again.

That's not quite true.

Yes, I do think of you almost every day. And yes, I do miss you. Your absence is palpable.  But please don't think that I am unhappy because of it.

I feel stronger than I ever have before. Some of that strength comes because I have this outlet - I can channel the darkness into a creative pursuit, so it doesn't consume me. This outlet allows me to drain away some of it when the water level gets too high. so I am not in danger of drowning.

I'm not sinking.
Not at all.
I'm learning to swim.

And every day, I get stronger, faster, with more endurance, more stamina.

So if the day comes when you and I find ourselves in the pool together again, I won't be looking to you to keep me afloat.  I will be moving by my own strength through the water with strong strokes. Agile, lithe, and purposeful.

I hope you will be able to keep up.